I am always near…..

It is hard for me to go through a week like this without telling you all about it.  It completely humbles me to look back on the last seven days and be able to see God working in the midst of one of the hardest weeks I have had this year!  I admittedly have the hardest time asking people for help!  One reason being, that I have a lot of children; unlike when a family of four needs help, people are quick to step up, when a family of ten asks for help, they have asked for it!  So I’ve learned to do things on my own, I DO have people who say to me “let me know if you need help” but I honestly have a HARD time saying “yes, please come help me get through my 23 loads of laundry, or 5 loads of dishes!”   I just feel like those things are things I am supposed to take care of.  I also feel a little violated having people fold my underwear, and clean my dirt.  So, I just do it myself even if it takes me three months to accomplish one task!   This week, God put people around me who didn’t ask me if they could help me, they just took it upon themselves to do it!

Monday morning, I woke up early and my husband and I got ready to take our 30 minute drive to the hospital for his RF Ablation Procedure, on his spine.  We have waited more than 8 months to get to that day and get that done and he was practically chair bound since September.  I was excited yet sympathetic toward him because I know from the last time he had it done, how painful it is for him!  He, on the other hand was really nervous!  The thing with the Ablation is, on a normal person it may take them two weeks to heal but because of the severity of his back condition, it is a 4-6 week healing period for him.  We had this done before and we knew what to expect so I didn’t really expect what was next.

When we got home from the hospital, he was having a hard time walking!  He Seriously couldn’t get up the steps on his own!  I was really surprised at how badly it was for him this time.  I took the bulk of his weight on my shoulders and helped him up the steps, into the living room, and into the chair.  As the evening went on, he couldn’t walk to the bathroom on his own, and by bedtime, I had to lean him over my back and help him get up the steps to bed.  Inside I was dying, watching him not even be able to walk was heartbreaking!  I got a call that evening from my sister, and LuLaRoe sponsor, telling me about some drama that went down in one of the Multi-Consultant Sales I was in and some of the admins of the group decided to kick-out a bunch of consultants who didn’t like the new rules and well…I happened to be one of them.   I was sobbing on the phone to her because that sale was where most of my sales were coming from at the time and this week..out of ALL weeks was a week I NEEDED those sales!!   I went to bed completely heartbroken and hopeless!

Tuesday morning when I woke up, my husband couldn’t get up on his own.  I took him to the bathroom, then brought him back to the bed, I went to the bathroom myself and when I was finished my 3 year old ran in saying, “mommy, my daddy he is hurt- Help!!”  I ran to the steps where he was trying to pick himself up off the bottom of them.  He had decided to try and go downstairs without help and fell down the steps.  This devastated my spirit and I know it did his as well!  We got him to the chair and I went to the other room to collect myself so I didn’t lose it in front of him!  I decided to pull up our bank account a little while later and do some bills.  When I opened it I noticed it was overdrawn!!!  I could not for the life of me understand why!  I am SO careful with out account and never buy anything we can not afford…what did I do!?  Come to find out, in the midst of all the stress with my husband, I accidentally paid a  LARGE payment twice on a bill.  That second payment wiped out our account and we were charged around $200.00 when it was all said and done in NSF fee’s.  I decided to call the bank and plead my case.  I used to work in Collections so I get that they hear a ton of sob stories that aren’t real all the time, but I am always so good about our account except this time, I thought maybe they would give me some grace!  I told him my story how I have 8 kids my husband had a back procedure done, I’m running a business trying to support our family right now and the last few days I’ve been under extreme stress where I can’t even remember what day it is and I made a mistake of paying a payment twice!  The guy told me he was sorry he couldn’t help me because there is no guarantee It wont happen again!  I was seriously sobbing on the phone!  I told him that’s fine, I’m not a child, I am an adult who made a mistake and if he can’t help me then I will just get through it like I have everything else and I hung up the phone.

I sat on the couch in my office and had a really good, ugly cry that morning.  I prayed my heart out asking God “what are you doing!!?  I know you don’t waste our pain, but look at this mess that happened within’ 48 hours!  I have worked so hard on this business, I hardly have time for my kids right now as it is, and now I have to work even harder!!!”  That afternoon I got a text from an amazing friend of mine.  She showed up at my office door with Starbucks and a muffin and sat on the couch with me and listened, talked to me, cried with me and prayed over me!  When she left I decided I was going to push forward and not let this get me down….so what I have 8 kids under 11, so what I had to carry my husband up and down the steps right now….so what my business lost 50% of its sales over night and I didn’t have any money in the account….I was going to MAKE it back!!  I did a live sale that night in my VIP group, and when I was done I had sold ONE item!! ONE!!!  When we went to bed that night my husband grabbed my hand and prayed with me.  This man who can’t hardly do anything on his own right now is praying for ME!

When I woke up Wednesday morning I had sold THREE more items!  It wasn’t a lot but it was more than the night before!  I thanked God and I heard hem whisper to me, “late in the midnight hour, I’m going to turn it around!”   I said “OK, I trust you!” That day, when my new box of inventory got here it was like God himself packed that box!  It was amazing prints!!  Thursday night I loaded my inventory to my page and I sold 24 items before 11pm!!  I figured out that I sold MORE this week than I did any of the other weeks I was in that multi-consultant sale!  I was so thankful to the Lord!!

During this madness I became friends with another woman who is going through a similar situation.  This lady paypaled me $120.00 just because she wanted to!  And then Friday afternoon, I had a friend come by and drop off an envelope for us with $100.00 cash in it!!  She said she asked God where to give it and he put us on her heart!  This money was exactly enough to cover all the NSF fees from our account!!

I can’t tell you why this is what we are dealing with right now, but I can tell you that while I was walking through walmart last night picking up some things that we could finally purchase that we had needed this week, I was telling God thank you for being close when i needed him, and how I am so sorry for ever feeling like I was in this alone!  He whispered to me, “I am always near!” I just can’t express to you how grateful I am for such Godly friends, and a Godly husband!  Their encouragement and love is what has kept me going this week!  I am so grateful!!

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