Ten years ago I took a class about inner healing called Elijah House. I was freshly out of a abusive marriage and lightly seeing, or getting to know my husband now. I was such a broken person back then but one lesson that they taught that really stuck out to me was about marriage. They talked about how when you have been married for a period of time, iron sharpens iron, you and your husband begin to sharpen each other. You become more like him, and he becomes more like you! I remember thinking at the time, “I wonder what character traits I will adopt if I ever married again.”
Back then I was the most bubbly, fun, energetic, outgoing, extroverted social butterfly that ever existed! My daily routine was: work, home for a run, shower, get dressed and reapply makeup, then I was out for whatever was going on that night. I was never alone except to sleep, and I was always either out, or on the phone with someone. I absolutely thrived being surrounded people at all times! I had retired from reading books the day I graduated high school, College was something that I wrote off as not necessary (mostly because I didn’t think I was smart enough for it), and my grammar and spelling- well lets just say it was embarrassing (still not perfect but I’m working on it)! I had the most laid back personality of anyone I knew when it came to life. I wasn’t worried about cleaning my house, eating healthy, or being on time! I wanted to be a police officer; I was not worried that at anytime while doing that job I could end up sacrificing my life because there was no one waiting at home for me at the end of the day. I was a abused twenty two year old who had a truck load of bagged up insecurity, and commitment issues.
Here we are ten years later, I’ve been married to my adorable man of God for 9.5 years and I am FAR from that person anymore. My sweet husband has been the best iron sharpener I could have ever asked for. He found a diamond in the rough and he loved it, brushed it off, and polished it up to be much brighter than it was when he first found it. My husband when I found him was very social yet at the end of the day he needed his alone time! He had a tendency to trust people he shouldn’t and had a few awkward social tendencies. He used to love reading, He is a College graduate and the smartest person I’ve ever met in my life! He worked out daily and ate extremely healthy.
It took me 7 years, but I have finally accepted that he loves me and is in our marriage for the long hull. I finally realized that he had no intentions of being unfaithful to me, and that there was no secret life he was living. Yeah, I know, that’s a crazy long time- but to be fair- I’m pretty sure I knew these things the entire time I just wanted to be ahead of the game if it happened to me again. Finally after 7 years I was able to relax and be confident in my marriage and give my husband the trust he deserved. It’s really sad how ONE bad relationship can affect you for so long! I am in my second year of College (almost 3rd) and in the last few months I have gone back and read some things I wrote 9 years ago and couldn’t believe how far I’ve come! Nine years ago, if I were to try and witness to someone who was an educated Atheist, I would have been ran over like road kill- Today, I can hold my own because my knowledge and understanding of Christ and the bible is pretty Rock Solid. I am so thankful to my husband for encouraging me to further my education, and for seeing that I could be smarter than I thought I was.
It took me 3 years to dust off my books and begin reading again. It’s not a TON but in the last six years I’ve read 136 books! That is amazing for me especially considering the amount of pregnancies, children, and businesses I’ve had over the last few years. Finding the time to read has become something I really desire! It is one of my favorite past times, and one of my favorite ways to socialize. Yes that’s right, these characters in my books become so real and suck me into their world! It’s a depressing day when I finish a really great book! It’s like I lost a friend or family member! I have to take a good day or two (sometimes a week depending on the intensity of the book) to mourn my loss before moving onto another book. I always begin my next book with the preconceived notion that it is not going to be as good as my last one, yet I always end up in the same spot, mourning the characters I fell in love with and then again, I move on.
And then here is the big one- the one I’ve struggled with the most. 6 years into our marriage, after a pretty traumatic year (not with our marriage), I slowly started becoming an INTROVERT! Yes, it is true! I, Ms. bubbly, can never be left alone, always on the phone or around people- am now a evolved introvert! It began three years ago when I felt my trust for and in people had been completely lost so I began to write. I began my blog, I began a journal, I began college, I began a book. Instead of talking about things I began writing about things. I became even worse once we finally closed on our new home and we have so much more space. I have absolutely zero desire to get out of the house anymore! I love it here! I don’t mind the occasional play date, or friend over for dinner but I enjoy it more when it is here. Maybe it is because we have so many kids and it’s a lot easier for us to stay here than to go out, but whatever the case, I love being at home! I would rather be at home with my husband in the evenings than be out with friends and I would rather email, text, or facebook message friends than talk on the phone! I hate crowds, I’d rather go to a matinee on a sunday afternoon when no one is around then a fun crowded friday night out. I used to be a avid facebook status updater and now, not so much. I still post the occasional update but not the every second of the day update that I used to find necessary in order to have an outlet and strike up conversations. I just enjoy my quiet evenings with just me and my love. To be honest- it took me a while to realize that I’ve become more introverted and I’m still learning exactly what that means and looks like for me. I’ve just realized that I need time to myself now which is not something I NEEDED in the past. It was always something I hated in the past to be honest! I hated being alone! I now find it desirable!
So I’m learning about my new found personality. For the last year I’ve had a really tough time with some things in my life and my husband and I finally figured out it was because of becoming introverted that I was struggling. I had no idea how to be an introvert! It was second nature to me to be surrounded by people at all times so this is something I’m going to have to work on and get used too! I love looking back on who I used to be and seeing how much God has changed me. I’m so thankful that he has taken time to refine me and I pray that he will continue to refine me for years to come! I never want to stop changing, or learning.