I used to have huge emotional problems when I was having a hard time hearing God, or seeing him work in my life. There was years that I prayed for the same thing and it never happened! There was a time during those several years that I began questioning my faith in God because I just did not see his hand at work in my life like I wanted to see it!
My mindset has changed a lot over the years. I have gone from thinking that when things in life go wrong God isn’t listening to me, to asking God, “What are you trying to show me?” “What is the point of this Lord?” I really believe that everything that happens in my life, from who delivers my mail, to who bags my groceries that day has crossed my path for a reason. I’m not always clear on the reason, but I know there is one. I also believe that the path to God is a narrow path, it is hard, there are struggles and it sometimes seems like there are a million obstacles trying to knock you off the path! I’ve noticed in our lives that we take the biggest hits when we are trusting God the MOST!! However we also come through those tough times with more victory in the end than any other!
Yesterday I posted about how God supplied us with a vehicle that will fit us all! Our first conversation my husband and I had driving the van home yesterday went something like this, “I’m so excited to finally be able to take everyone places together, now we can finally start looking for a home church!”
This afternoon as I wrote up my list for the grocery store, Pumpkin asked to go with me so I agreed. That would mean taking the new van since it had all the car seats in it. We were in a bit of a hurry to run out and get back quickly since we were under a Tornado watch and were not sure what the weather was going to do. She buckled into her car seat, and when I went to turn the key to start the van…..nothing happened!! My heart sank into my stomach as I began doubting our decision to listen to God and pay cash for that van! I looked around and discovered we had left the lights on the day before so I turned them off and called my husband to come out and jump the van.
Once it was running again, we pulled from the house and stopped at the stop sign and the entire van turned off!! I started it up again and sat there a few minutes but when I tried to go again, it died!! I decided I was going to have to back it up into our driveway because it was not going to stay running long enough to get turned around, so I began backing up all the way down the street to our drive way and it died again when I got to the end. My husband came out and tried driving it around the neighborhood thinking that the battery just needs to be charged up more and it died over and over again!
I ended up taking our old van and on the way to the store I found myself praying, “Lord, what was the purpose of this? What is it you are showing us with this van not working today!? Why are you allowing difficult things to hold me back while there is a Tornado warning so that I can’t get home quickly? I just want to be safe Lord! Please keep us safe!”
At the store I became frustrated by people cutting me off to take a parking spot, and then hugely distracted when my husband called to let me know that he thought that the root-canal that he had earlier that afternoon was done on the WRONG TOOTH!!! Again I found myself praying through Wal-mart, “Lord, it seems like such a silly thing- what are you trying to teach us with this?” As I rushed to get home so that I could make dinner and not get stuck in a storm- I found an amazing short check-out line. I started unloading my groceries happy that it will not be much longer before I get to my car, and as I stood in the same spot 25 minutes watching the older man scan my groceries one at a time I couldn’t help but catch myself praying, “Lord what are you trying to teach me through this? I am just wanting to be with my family to make sure we are all safe! How did I end up in this line? Lord bless this older man, please let him be working here because he wants to have something to do during the day and not because he is desperate for money! Please bless him and his family!”
As I loaded my van, and made the drive home I found myself still asking God what the purpose of all that was!? I realized then that I have the easiest time trusting God with all the big stuff: supplying our needs, house, car, children, finances; yet, I have a hardest time trusting him with the little stuff, the weather, tornadoes, dentist problems, broken down vans. Its the silliest thing because most people- even non-Christians agree that the weather is an act of God, YET I cannot just let go and go about my life as though he has it under control!! If he gave us the van- will he not help fix it if there is something wrong with it? If he gives us 7 little girls- will he not guide me in how to raise them, If he controls the weather- will he not hear my prayer to keep my family safe?! I feel like God was trying to slow me down today to show me that in the midst of my tiny fears- he is still ALWAYS in control of everything!! There is NEVER a good reason to doubt him because He knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me not harm me!
Funny thing is- there wasn’t a DROP of rain the entire time I was gone at the store, or on the way home! When am I ever going to learn my lesson to just slow down and let go of the little things!