Why you ask, do I not enjoy a good romance novel? Because I have experienced, first hand, the most romantic, selfless love story anyone has ever read in my own personal life. Compared to my love story- any non-fiction Romance is down right cheesy! Some of you may know most of my story but for those of you who do not….I hope you enjoy.
Thirteen years ago, I was a Senior in high school. I was a Christian who was still leaning the ropes of what Christ expected of me, I was also actively looking for that love that lasted forever! See I knew the love of Christ but I had never really experienced the love of Christ- ( you will understand what I mean by that later on). At Graduation I was dating my high school sweetheart whom I also thought loved the Lord like I did! I went on to marry him at the young age of 19. Three months before I married him- he threw me through a wall- yet I still married him! Love is so blind when it is infatuation! For two years, I hid the fact that I was being abused, mentally, and physically. Then one day I was dragged down the hallway and thrown from my apartment barefooted. I went to his family for support but was told if I wanted they would put me on a plane back to my parents- so I kept quiet-and we went through counseling. Just when I thought things were beginning to look up, and we were talking about having children- I caught him with another woman. He sold his truck and took all that money he got from it down to an attorney and filed divorce papers. I thought my life was over!
I spent that Thanksgiving and the whole month of November- on the floor in my kitchen, praying that God would put my life back together. I was 10 hours away from any of my family, my closest friend was in Colorado, and I was completely alone! In December I packed up my Jeep and drove 10 long hours back to my parents house praying and asking God the entire way, “Lord- I don’t think that I can get through this alone, not knowing that one day I will have a family, not knowing that one day I will have a husband who loves me!” I begged God “PLEASE LORD send me a man who loves you more than me, and me more than anything else!”
It was the first time in my life I felt like I had absolutely no control over anything! One night when I got back I was at a small group meeting and our small group leader decided to do a foot washing. For those of you who don’t understand that- back in biblical days washing someone’s feet was a way that they showed hospitality and respect. It’s something that isn’t done much now days and can be a bit humbling when it is done to you! That night I remember like yesterday because it changed my life! As our leader walked from person to person washing their feet, I began to get very uncomfortable! At first I began getting angry because I didn’t want him to do that to me!! I was not above him, I was a dirty, worthless person that no one wanted! I didn’t want him to do that, I didn’t deserve for him to do that!! But it didn’t matter what I wanted because he was going to do it anyways!! For the first time I realized the price that Jesus paid for my Sins! Here I was feeling dirty, unclean, unwanted, thrown away, and no good for anyone else- and Jesus didn’t care one minute about that, he saw me as someone who was beautiful and worth dying for. That night as my feet were washed by one of my most respected friends, I imagined myself arguing with Jesus, pleading with him to not get on that cross- DO NOT DYE FOR ME!! Do not throw away your perfect, sinless, guilt-free life for someone who is dirty, used, sinful and broken!! Please Lord I’m not going to change, I’m always going to be a sinner!! I’m always going to do the wrong thing, and disappoint you!! I always disappoint everyone! Then I heard the Lord whisper to my spirit, “I have already died for you, I chose to die for you because you are worth it!”