Consider It Pure Joy

James 1:2, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds”

If you are like me you have struggled with this verse. I even heard it used recently by a Christian character on a popular television show, she was angry because we are supposed to consider it joy when we go through trials.  When life is blowing up all around us and we are completely empty and have lost everything, how do we consider it pure joy?

How do I consider it pure joy when I look around at other people and their lives look peaceful, uneventful, smooth- they excel at life, at anything they do, they never struggle with stupid little things like I do!  They never struggle with the day to day dread of facing life, having EVERY. LITTLE. THING. go wrong down to ordering a pizza!  These people who couldn’t care less about pleasing God have everything good and no struggle!  WHY GOD, am I supposed to consider it all pure joy, when these people don’t even love you and they are living a stress free life!  I do try not to compare my life to others often, but you can’t help but notice when you are losing friends because they think you are the plague!

I’ve seen a pattern in my life, the more my husband and I make strides to do our calling of ministry, or prepare for that calling, the more rapid the storms hit.  And honestly satan knows my weakness.  He has realized he can’t hit me with the big things like losing our house,  because I passed that test.  Back when we were trying to buy our home and the bank kept selling the mortgage, and we had to keep getting it re-approved.  Then they let us move in because closing wasn’t happening for a few weeks, and we found out the house was on the auction block the day before thanksgiving!  Our realtor would call me and be like “I just don’t think this is going to happen!” and I would cry and feel upset but I would always reply back “I know this is what you are saying but I just really feel like God is going to come through!”  We didn’t allow this to defeat us, the fact that we were not going to have shelter for our 6 kids at the time.  We anointed our property with oil and prayed over it together as a family. We knelt in the foyer as a family and asked God to protect our home.  We danced around the house praising God for what he was about to do!  We did not lay down and cry we stood strong and fought hard!  But when little things happen to us, one right after another… it makes me want to lay down and give up!

Just the sheer volume of unimportant, yet necessary things that waste my time over and over and over on a daily basis; its like someone tapping on my forehead over and over again and it makes me crazy!!  Satan thought he had a brilliant idea to hit me with all these stupid little storms over, and over constantly thinking that I wouldn’t catch on, and he almost had me there for a while.  Last week I was at that place where it was like “Lord, consider it pure joy?  Really?”  In the span of one week we had three unusable vehicles, the insurance company refuse to cover our medications, the glasses we ordered for our daughter came with the wrong prescription lenses, my financial aid for my classes this summer was denied, I was diagnosed with staph infection, we borrowed my husbands mom’s car to run errands and her car overheated while we were out, our car insurance was freakishly cancelled for no reason… and all these things were remedied but not without hours of phone conversations and red tape and extra paperwork to fill out.  I found myself at the end of the week going to my husband and saying “NOTHING can EVER be easy for us!!  I JUST WANT PEACE!!”  That same night we remembered we had a credit at the pizza place from last month when we ordered and didn’t get what we had paid for.  So we decided to call them and take advantage of that, guess what, they had no record of it!  I was like “see, nothing is ever easy!”

I continued through that week overwhelmed, frustrated, short-tempered!  I was irritated at anything I had to do that caused me to go out of my way to do it!  And then I was in the car on my way to walmart listening to KLove.  Someone said “When nothing in life seems easy, and every little thing you do turns into a trial, Praise God that Satan isn’t allowing you to have a peaceful life so that you wouldn’t need God.”  And I went, “Woah!!”  Suddenly “consider it pure joy” had way more meaning to me than it did before!  I said, “Lord, thank you for making my life hard, thank you for allowing me to struggle so that I will ALWAYS need you, thank you for caring about me so much that you refuse to allow my life to be peaceful, you refuse to let me forget that YOU are in control, through you all things are possible, it is in you I will find my refuge and NOT through Peace!  Lord I consider it pure joy to struggle in life if it means I need you!”

This one sentence changed my entire way of thinking! My need for the Lord is real, an I am thankful I have that need!  My desire for peace, is still there but its more like… “peace that passes understanding” because it is now “well with my soul!”

“While others are congratulating themselves, I have to lie humbly at the foot of Christ’s cross and marvel that I am saved at all”  ~Charles Spurgeon




You Will See Deliverance

“…Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring to you …” Exodus 14:13

Bound by chains, I have been walking heavily through the desert for thirty-five years.  I have gone through trial after trial, battle after battle, and after each one I’ve learned to trust God more and more, yet I was still in chains.

I’ve been through times where I’ve had to trust that God would provide me with food, I tithed my last penny with FEAR and begged God to bless it, God came through but I still willingly wore my chains.

I’ve doubted God when he was silent.  When it felt like he had forgotten me I doubted that he even existed at one point in my life- yet he showed up right when I needed him, right on time!  And I still kept on my chains.

I watched God heal my body multiple times, once when I couldn’t walk and was in a wheel chair, once when I was almost put in ICU for pneumonia because the antibiotics weren’t working…. yet, I still carried my chains.

I was abused physically and mentally, I was broken and felt ashamed and lost my family … I watched God put me back together, restore my brokenness, and give me back what was lost 6 fold… but I put my chains on every day!

I was in a deep dark depression for years, and struggled with extreme anxiety to the point I couldn’t leave my bedroom…. I watched God give me my life back…. but I still wore the chains.

I watched our family outgrow our home, and our finances did not increase!  We needed a bigger home at the same payment… I watched God give us a home that was over two times the size of our small home for one hundred dollars more!  Yet…I still wore my chains.

There is so much bondage that we deal with on a daily basis.  I believe that the root cause of all bondage begins with fear.  Whether your chains are from something you feel ashamed of, scared of, addicted to, all of that begins with one little seed of fear.

The spirit of fear is paralyzing!  It confines, restricts, darkens, and limits your abilities that God has given you!  My entire life I have lived with some form of fear, it was rooted in me at a very early age and for thirty-five years I have battled this demon, over and over again, until finally God brought me deliverance!

I had the kind of fear that would shake you to the core! Sheer Panic!  With every situation, every confrontation, every bump in the road… I was in my chains begging God to do something, waiting for the next bad thing to happen, waiting for that ONE TIME that God doesn’t come through!  Not wanting to be blind sided, I would always play “what if!”  What if God doesn’t hear me?  What if God doesn’t come through? What if I’m homeless, what if I die, what If I have nothing?  Worry would take over my thoughts, my dreams, my body!  I would shake, couldn’t breathe, my heart would pound, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t function!  Wake up gasping and pray myself back to sleep!   This demon was eating away at my life one circumstance after another, after another and I just sat there and continued to feed it!

What I didn’t realize was that God had given ME the power to be delivered from this!  I say I was walking through the desert because it reminds me of when the Israelites were in the desert.  For over 400 years the Israelites were slaves in egypt, then God lead them into the desert and delivered them from slavery- yet they still wore their chains!  They complained of misery, no food, no water…. yet God came through.  They worshiped idols, thought God had left them, and even wanted to go back to Egypt at one point!  But God came through…yet they continued to wear their chains!  They allowed their fear of the past to haunt them, their fear gave them doubt, their fear enslaved them even when they were already delivered from slavery!

These past few months I went through so much!  I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of trials, one right after another that hit us!  One in particular- with our rental home- had me completely horrified!  This particular situation drained every penny we had saved for Christmas this year, every penny in our emergency fund, and was a possibility that we would have to pay every paycheck we received the next month as well.  As we worked hard to restore the house, 10-12 hour days while pregnant and my husband doing what he could with his back condition, we prayed!!  As I took a break from painting, crying from exhaustion and missing my kids, I was on my knees in that house praying!  As I opened up the bank account and my heart sank to my stomach, I prayed!  I though of Job, how no matter what- he KNEW God would come through!  He lost everything but still knew God was faithful!  And I hung onto Job!  I KNEW if we did lose everything- God would still be faithful!  If God didn’t come through like I asked- it was for my own good!  And the more I told myself these things, the more those chains began to loosen, the more the weight began to fall, the more I began to see the promised land was right in front of me all along!

God was right on time, we got new tenants, didn’t have to use every pay check the next month, every bill got paid, our kids were fed, and fear was conquered!  It still likes to try to come back.  “What if you don’t have Christmas this year for the kids?”  “What if you can’t give them what they want?”  “What if, what if, what if”  I used to reply to these questions with “I know God will supply BUT-if he doesn’t…” now… I say “What if ….. BUT God WILL supply- he has a plan !!”

God’s plan is perfect, we have to stop allowing fear to keep us from fully trusting the Lord and take the power back we have given it!  Stop feeding our fear and start trusting God without any hesitation, without any doubt, without any “what if’s.”  Until you can pull off the chains you will continue to go through the same trials over and over again! Until we learn to have unwavering faith we will be stagnant in the desert. God has given each of us the power of deliverance through faith in Jesus Christ.

I am always near…..

It is hard for me to go through a week like this without telling you all about it.  It completely humbles me to look back on the last seven days and be able to see God working in the midst of one of the hardest weeks I have had this year!  I admittedly have the hardest time asking people for help!  One reason being, that I have a lot of children; unlike when a family of four needs help, people are quick to step up, when a family of ten asks for help, they have asked for it!  So I’ve learned to do things on my own, I DO have people who say to me “let me know if you need help” but I honestly have a HARD time saying “yes, please come help me get through my 23 loads of laundry, or 5 loads of dishes!”   I just feel like those things are things I am supposed to take care of.  I also feel a little violated having people fold my underwear, and clean my dirt.  So, I just do it myself even if it takes me three months to accomplish one task!   This week, God put people around me who didn’t ask me if they could help me, they just took it upon themselves to do it!

Monday morning, I woke up early and my husband and I got ready to take our 30 minute drive to the hospital for his RF Ablation Procedure, on his spine.  We have waited more than 8 months to get to that day and get that done and he was practically chair bound since September.  I was excited yet sympathetic toward him because I know from the last time he had it done, how painful it is for him!  He, on the other hand was really nervous!  The thing with the Ablation is, on a normal person it may take them two weeks to heal but because of the severity of his back condition, it is a 4-6 week healing period for him.  We had this done before and we knew what to expect so I didn’t really expect what was next.

When we got home from the hospital, he was having a hard time walking!  He Seriously couldn’t get up the steps on his own!  I was really surprised at how badly it was for him this time.  I took the bulk of his weight on my shoulders and helped him up the steps, into the living room, and into the chair.  As the evening went on, he couldn’t walk to the bathroom on his own, and by bedtime, I had to lean him over my back and help him get up the steps to bed.  Inside I was dying, watching him not even be able to walk was heartbreaking!  I got a call that evening from my sister, and LuLaRoe sponsor, telling me about some drama that went down in one of the Multi-Consultant Sales I was in and some of the admins of the group decided to kick-out a bunch of consultants who didn’t like the new rules and well…I happened to be one of them.   I was sobbing on the phone to her because that sale was where most of my sales were coming from at the time and this week..out of ALL weeks was a week I NEEDED those sales!!   I went to bed completely heartbroken and hopeless!

Tuesday morning when I woke up, my husband couldn’t get up on his own.  I took him to the bathroom, then brought him back to the bed, I went to the bathroom myself and when I was finished my 3 year old ran in saying, “mommy, my daddy he is hurt- Help!!”  I ran to the steps where he was trying to pick himself up off the bottom of them.  He had decided to try and go downstairs without help and fell down the steps.  This devastated my spirit and I know it did his as well!  We got him to the chair and I went to the other room to collect myself so I didn’t lose it in front of him!  I decided to pull up our bank account a little while later and do some bills.  When I opened it I noticed it was overdrawn!!!  I could not for the life of me understand why!  I am SO careful with out account and never buy anything we can not afford…what did I do!?  Come to find out, in the midst of all the stress with my husband, I accidentally paid a  LARGE payment twice on a bill.  That second payment wiped out our account and we were charged around $200.00 when it was all said and done in NSF fee’s.  I decided to call the bank and plead my case.  I used to work in Collections so I get that they hear a ton of sob stories that aren’t real all the time, but I am always so good about our account except this time, I thought maybe they would give me some grace!  I told him my story how I have 8 kids my husband had a back procedure done, I’m running a business trying to support our family right now and the last few days I’ve been under extreme stress where I can’t even remember what day it is and I made a mistake of paying a payment twice!  The guy told me he was sorry he couldn’t help me because there is no guarantee It wont happen again!  I was seriously sobbing on the phone!  I told him that’s fine, I’m not a child, I am an adult who made a mistake and if he can’t help me then I will just get through it like I have everything else and I hung up the phone.

I sat on the couch in my office and had a really good, ugly cry that morning.  I prayed my heart out asking God “what are you doing!!?  I know you don’t waste our pain, but look at this mess that happened within’ 48 hours!  I have worked so hard on this business, I hardly have time for my kids right now as it is, and now I have to work even harder!!!”  That afternoon I got a text from an amazing friend of mine.  She showed up at my office door with Starbucks and a muffin and sat on the couch with me and listened, talked to me, cried with me and prayed over me!  When she left I decided I was going to push forward and not let this get me down….so what I have 8 kids under 11, so what I had to carry my husband up and down the steps right now….so what my business lost 50% of its sales over night and I didn’t have any money in the account….I was going to MAKE it back!!  I did a live sale that night in my VIP group, and when I was done I had sold ONE item!! ONE!!!  When we went to bed that night my husband grabbed my hand and prayed with me.  This man who can’t hardly do anything on his own right now is praying for ME!

When I woke up Wednesday morning I had sold THREE more items!  It wasn’t a lot but it was more than the night before!  I thanked God and I heard hem whisper to me, “late in the midnight hour, I’m going to turn it around!”   I said “OK, I trust you!” That day, when my new box of inventory got here it was like God himself packed that box!  It was amazing prints!!  Thursday night I loaded my inventory to my page and I sold 24 items before 11pm!!  I figured out that I sold MORE this week than I did any of the other weeks I was in that multi-consultant sale!  I was so thankful to the Lord!!

During this madness I became friends with another woman who is going through a similar situation.  This lady paypaled me $120.00 just because she wanted to!  And then Friday afternoon, I had a friend come by and drop off an envelope for us with $100.00 cash in it!!  She said she asked God where to give it and he put us on her heart!  This money was exactly enough to cover all the NSF fees from our account!!

I can’t tell you why this is what we are dealing with right now, but I can tell you that while I was walking through walmart last night picking up some things that we could finally purchase that we had needed this week, I was telling God thank you for being close when i needed him, and how I am so sorry for ever feeling like I was in this alone!  He whispered to me, “I am always near!” I just can’t express to you how grateful I am for such Godly friends, and a Godly husband!  Their encouragement and love is what has kept me going this week!  I am so grateful!!

Pray for us…

When I started this blog several years ago, it was because I hoped that my life, and my struggles that I go through would help someone else who is facing the same situation.  My heart has always longed to do ministry, to share the Lord with those around me who need hope and who were looking for truth.  I would be completely transparent on my blogs, I would share my hurts, my fears, my joy, but the older I got the more I realized that transparency only causes more heartache, more judgement, more unwanted opinions.  No matter how honest, and raw I am, no matter how much I pour my heart out to people, they only see me the way they want to see me, and not for the person I actually am inside.  Even those close to me only see what they want to see in me.  The worlds ability to see and recognize truth has become increasingly clouded.

I have spent the last several years keeping things quiet about my life because of this.  I feel like I have walked through fire, and conquered some really extreme situations in the last few years, alone, but with God’s help.  The world has quieted, and broken my spirit with their harsh words.  So I became quiet and have hid my life from everyone, even family because the small pieces I’ve shared were not accepted gracefully, so I figured neither would the large pieces.  Life is hard right now and I’m not sure I can do a very good job anymore keeping quiet about it.  My burdens are heavy, and my heart hurts all the time!

I sat at the dinner table tonight holding back tears as I watched my husband stand up and walk to the trash can.  He couldn’t even straighten out his back.  He grabbed onto the counter as he winced in pain, threw away his plate and barely made it back to the chair in the living room.  I can’t cry in front of him because I have to stay strong for him and he will feel like more of a burden than he already does.  I’ve been begging God for a miracle!  For TWELVE years I’ve been asking him to heal my husband and I’ve only seen him get worse.  He can’t work right now, and he feels guilty.  Guilty because he knows it hurts his family’s business because he can’t be there, guilty because he knows it hurts us that he can’t provide, and guilty because everyone outside of me and our children, do not understand the severity of his condition and most do not believe he is as bad as he is!

A few years before we met he was in a car accident and was hit from behind, at a complete stop.  That accident knocked his spine lose and shifted it forward to what is now 4mm slippage.  He had three opinions back then, all of them different, so he decided to find the top doctor in our area who specializes in his condition and go to him.  So for the last 12 years we have drove two hours every year to see his surgeon who is both a neuro and orthopedic surgeon.  Every year for 12 years we’ve been told the same thing, “do not do surgery until you lose strength in your legs!”  “Do not do surgery until you can not walk anymore!”  “Do not do surgery until you lose your bladder function.”  We have been pushed, and pushed by people close to us to “just get the surgery,” but how can you when you have a extremely experienced doctor telling you to wait!  So instead… We have done every steroid shot, every essential oil mix, every pain medication, every natural remedy, lazer therapy, and physical therapy and nothing ever helped…..until we found the ablation!

A year in a half ago, a doctor told him that he thought he could burn the nerves in his back and it would give him relief from the pain!  We talked about it, and then we took our annual trip up to see the surgeon and asked what he thought.  Well this trip was a little different than all the rest.  This trip we were told, “surgery will not take away your back pain, it will only take away your leg pain, which is pointless because you do not have any leg pain!”  We were told that our only hope for pain relief was the ablation.  We scheduled it asap, and within a month he had the diagnostic testing and it showed that by doing the actual procedure it would relieve his back pain by 80%.  It took about four weeks for him to heal from the diagnostic test and then he had the actual procedure which took about 4-6 more weeks for him to heal from.  For an entire year, I had my husband back!  He walked through amusement parks, he was at work almost every day, and life was finally feeling normal again….

In May of 2016, we began the process of getting him another ablation because we knew it would wear off soon and we wanted to be on top of it.  The doctors office took over three months just to get his records straight to even talk to him about it.  This past August, we went again for our surgeon visit.  He told us it has gotten worse!  He said the ablation usually only works well the first time, the second time it will not work as well, and no one ever does it a third time.  He told us to come back in 6 months because by then he is sure the first ablation would have been worn off completely and it will give him a good idea pain wise, what to do.  Meanwhile, we are welcome to try it again if we like.  We decided we should get another opinion at this point, if it has gotten worse!  So, we did and he said his back was so bad, that it was almost vertical, and that he agreed with our current surgeon!

During this time he was still feeling pretty well.  He decided he wanted to start applying for pastoral positions because he felt like this is his calling!  He applied a few places and had a few interviews and then…. not even a week later, my husband went from being at work daily, and helping with groceries and dishes, and trash, to not being able to get out of the chair at all, all day long!  It was devastating!  He can’t work, he can’t stand longer than 2-3 minutes, and my world felt like it is slowly crashing.

Today, it has been about eight months since we started the process to get him the second ablation.  It didn’t take this long last time at all!  He has been chair bound since August last year and we have been, what feels like fighting, to get this ablation so that he can at least get up and walk without pain again.  So, we decided to make the best of it.  We’ve changed roles a bit.  I started a LuLaRoe Business.  I work from home and am able to still be here to keep the kids in line when he can’t get up and deal with them, and keep everyone on schedule and TRY to keep the house together (which has proven to be a challenge).  My husband has taken over homeschooling the kids, because that is something he is able to do from the chair, and he also helps fold laundry and on the good days (which aren’t many) he will sit on a stool in front of the stove and cook dinner for us.
Life has completely turned upside down.  For months we’ve been waiting on his ablation date this past Thursday!  We were all so excited to get him back, and then the morning of the procedure we get a call that insurance hasn’t approved it yet.  We were on the phone all day long trying to get them to get it done in time but then around 1:30 the doctors office called and said they would have to cancel the appointment.  This was a huge slap in the face!

I haven’t been able to keep myself quite as together since that call.  He is worse today even than he was yesterday and tomorrow is unknown.  I miss homeschooling my kids and spending so much time with them during the day, I miss going shopping with my husband and walking through walmart with him grocery shopping.  I miss him being happy and playful and spontaneous.  I work long hours, 8 am till sometimes 3am,  trying to build this business so it can support our family so that he will not feel so guilty for having a back condition. I can’t keep up with the housework, it has overwhelmed me and with this many kids, seems like a task of insanity.  Our rental home is coming up for rent again in May, and I will have FOUR days to do repairs, and paint and get it move-in-ready for someone, and hopefully, we can find someone.  And I have to take a class this summer starting in May in order for my degree completion plan not to change.  My kids are missing me too, they are acting out, they are just like me and do not like when things change!  But…this is what life is right now and we are dealing with it the best we can.

I know God hasn’t promised me that he would heal my husband, but I am hanging onto the hope that one day I will wake up and he will be pain free!  I lay awake at night watching him toss and turn trying to get comfortable, and some nights I sit up for hours praying over him to not feel pain and sleep well.    It makes me angry that I know he is called to be a Pastor, and I know he would change so many lives for Christ, but this thorn in his side is so debilitating that it has, for the moment, taken that dream from him.  I have struggled with being bitter towards him, and angry at him at times, but have finally come to a good place where I don’t even allow my mind to go there anymore.  I know it isn’t his fault.  He is just as angry and frustrated as everyone else around him, probably even more.  I am trying hard to find the good in this because I KNOW from experience that GOD never wastes the pain.  I know that once we overcome this, just as we have things equally as hard in the past, that the meaning will become more clear, but right now, it is really hard to see!  If you are reading this, please pray for us during this time!  Please don’t say stupid hurtful things like: they shouldn’t have had so many kids if he had a back condition, or I can’t believe…bla..bla…bla  you get the point…. just pray for us, pray for healing, pray we will be refined through this and that God will shine through this.  Pray that our rental home will rent quickly, and repairs will not be so tough for me, our business will continue to grow and that our children will adjust!  I am so grateful for praying friends, and have learned along the way that life without them is just not possible!  Hopefully my next entry will be me reporting answered prayers!  Lots of love!

You are God alone

I had quite a scare last night!  I was taken to the ER by ambulance because I thought I was having a heart attack.  I’ve had a really stress filled year in a half.  I have lost important relationships with people in our family, we have been trying to adjust to a family of 10, we have two girls hitting their pre-teens, two toddlers, nursing a newborn, I’m trying to finish a degree, start a business, homeschool our kids, and my husband, in the last few months has become mostly chair-bound with his back condition.  I’ve felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I’m really hard on myself!  I go to bed at night feeling guilty that I didn’t get my dishes done, or the house cleaned up, or laundry folded and put away, or that we’ve had take out three days in a row.  I work from the time I get up till after my kids go to bed and into the early morning hours.

The last few months I’ve not felt very well at all.  I’ve lost all energy!  I have to really force myself to do things.  I’ve gone to the doctor, a few of them, and always told nothing is wrong.  I felt like I had a stomach virus the last few weeks.  I would get really weak and feel like I was going to pass out but I kept pushing myself.  I needed LuLaRoe to work for us, I needed to get everything ready for our inventory to come in.  My husband isn’t able to make it to work like he would like right now and I have to make this work for us!  We need this to work  for us!  So instead of relying on God like I normally have in the past…I pushed myself to do it on my own.

Early Saturday evening I was up with stomach pain, and nausea.  I took some anti-nausea medicine and was able to get up and get going.  I tried to take photos of some of my inventory that came in but I got through two things and I was so weak I had to go lay down.  Around 7pm, I was watching a movie with my girls laying in the bed around me.  I sat up to go to the bathroom and had sharp pain in my chest.  It got worse and worse!  It radiated down both my shoulders, down my spine and around my ribs at the top of my stomach like someone was squeezing me with a belt.  I have had 8 children and the pain I was experiencing was far worse!  I thought I was dying.  I went to the bathroom to run a bath thinking it would relieve the pain, I was on the floor by the tub crying in pain.  I yelled for my oldest and asked her to go get her daddy.  I got in the tub but the pain was worse!  I couldn’t breathe!  I was panting, trying to catch my breath between the cries of pain, and all I could think was “I refuse to die in front of my kids!”  As it got worse and not better, I asked my husband to call 911 because I didn’t think I would make it to the hospital without intervention alive.  At this point all my kids were crying and some of them were praying for me and my pain lessened to where I could get out of the tub and into my room to get dressed.  I got downstairs, my girls put shoes on me, and the ambulance was in my driveway!  They immediately did an EKG, and vitals, and an IV, and said everything looked great! I continued to have pain in the ambulance to where I felt like I was screaming in pain!  Right before we pulled into the hospital all the pain was gone!  COMPLETELY GONE!
The doctor felt like it was from my virus, that it could be a combination of my virus and stress, and anxiety on top of it.  I am grateful it wasn’t something more serious!  I felt a little stupid calling 911 for nothing now, but at the time it felt like I was dying.  I couldn’t explain why all the sudden all my pain went away.  Maybe it was the aspirin I took before leaving the house, or maybe…it was my 7 children kneeling at home praying with my mother-in-law, or my mom praying on the way to the hospital reminding God of the promise she made to him 27 years ago that if he would heal me she would serve him the rest of her life, or my husband praying while driving behind me the whole way; I’m not sure, maybe all of the above?  Whatever the reason, I’m thankful!  The look on my children’s faces was heartbreaking!  Having to leave them so quickly without a hug, or kiss was devastating  to them.

I got home a little after midnight and I woke all of them and hugged them!  This morning I woke up to all of them waking me and hugging me!  My little “hobble-bobble” says, “mom, I’m the only one who didn’t cry last night and do you know why?  Because I remembered the bible verse you taught me, ‘do not fear for I am with you,’ and I knew that God was going to heal you!”  I’ve thought about what she said all day today!  I’ve instilled into my child that God is in control, and there is nothing to fear and she has hung onto that through such a scary hard time!  Why can’t I?  Why do I always start out thinking that God is in control and he will provide, and he will bless my business and he will come through, he will heal my relationships, and my husband yet  when things get SO hard to where it seems like things are going to fall apart- I step in and take things into my own hands and just make them worse.

I listened to a song today that said:

“You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone”

It really spoke to my heart that I am one person, I am human, and like my sister said to me today I am NOT super-woman, despite what everyone is always posting on my facebook wall.  It is okay right now to not have a clean house, to not have all my laundry folded, or not to have all my summer clothes put away, but it isn’t OK to constantly try to take God’s place in my life.  GOD is GOD alone, he knows what he is doing, he doesn’t need me doing it for him.  When things don’t go as I like, I just need to walk away and ask God for help!  It is easier said than done sometimes; however, those 8 crying faces will be forever ingrained into my mind. Time to refocus, and remember who is on the throne!


WEEK 5: LuLaRoe Queue

Hey, Hey, HEY!!!  TODAY starts WEEK 5 in the queue!!!  That means we POTENTIALLY have 3-4 weeks left before we get our call to onboard with LuLaRoe!!  BUT- things are picking up with the calling side of things and it could actually be sooner than that time-frame!!  From what I saw today, they are on-boarding through August 30th today, and I am September 12th!

So this past week we started painting with the help of my sister!  Actually, she did most of it and was very helpful!  She painted into the late evening on Saturday and then from morning to afternoon on Sunday until we ran out of paint.  It is looking amazing!!  I am so happy to get rid of that ugly mauve color.  Our furniture is scheduled to be delivered Saturday, and then we will start working on shelving and hanging racks next week!

We did a give away this week in my LuLaRoe group and I was able to give away 4 pair of leggings.  I grew our group to 380 people so far with that one give away.  This friday we will be doing another give away for some LuLa- CASH so make sure you join the group so you don’t miss out!!

I am really looking forward to starting our business!!  It can not get here fast enough!  Stay Tuned to MORE updates soon!

Week 3 in the Lularoe Queue

Well here we are I just completed my third week in queue!  It didn’t go quite like I wanted it to because, lets face it, life with eight children NEVER goes the way you want it to!  I had TWO days last week to get my room cleared out and while I made a huge dent in the room, it is far from cleared out!  Thursday and Friday we were out of town at doctor appointments and Saturday I had the privilege of joining my sister, and sponsor, at a local vendor event!  I learned so much from her, from what to say to customers, to different ways to wear my Lularoe outfits.  I had a great time helping and learning from her!

When I got home Saturday afternoon my sweet boy (8 mo) had a low grade fever.  I spent the evening snuggling with him and nursing (literally) him back to health.  By late that evening he was really feeling rough and his fever was up to 103.  By Sunday night he was so beside himself with not feeling well, he refused to sleep and just cried and cried!  I spent most of the night holding him and consoling him and then by Tuesday his fever had subsided but was back that afternoon.  We took him for a doctor visit and it seems it is a sore throat with a virus.  So my boy is a little more needy than my girls ever were so he has stayed close to mommy this week!  Therefore, my Lularoom prep has gotten put on hold.

In the meantime, I have been researching periscope, building my instagram following, and I did do that youtube video last week I promised! 🙂  There is still a lot to accomplish besides my room getting done, google documents for orders is something I still need to do this week.  I have ordered polymailers, and I was even able to snag a few solid colored leggins this week for some give-aways that I will be doing SOON!!

So going into week 4 this week, my goal is to continue to get that room knocked out!  I am planning to spend the entire weekend cleaning it out so that by MONDAY I will be heading over to buy my paint!!  I can not wait to show you all our Lula Room SOON!!!  Stay tuned!!